By Skeptik Sinikian
WARNING TO READER: What you are about to read is filled with a dose of sarcasm that is above the daily required intake. Should you feel any of the following side effects: nausea–anger–desire to bang your head against a wall–call your elected officials immediately.
When thinking of the historic Armenian region of Artsakh–it is not uncommon that one is confused by all of the alternative names floating around. For years–Nagorno Karabakh Republic (NKR) was the popular nom de guerre. This was followed by a rejection of the Russified Nagorno in favor of the more politically correct "Mountainous," or "Lernayin" in Armenian. Whatever name you chose–one that never came to mind was the epithet that US Assistant Secretary of the State Elizabeth Jones used a few weeks ago during a policy briefing.
Apparently Jones referred to Mountainous Karabagh’s leaders as "criminal secessionists," and called for their removal from power. This is one of those things that makes you go "hmmmm." Criminal Secessionists? This made me think really hard. Criminal Secessionists? I knew I had heard that somewhere before. Now–Ms. Jones–if you’re reading this–you might want to take notes.
Criminal Secessionists. That’s odd. The last time I checked the records–when the Azeri government began massacring and beating Armenia’s in the streets of Sumgait and Baku–the US was nowhere to be found to assist the people of Artsakh. So when these folks actually took up arms to defend themselves–they were God-given–inalienable rights to life–liberty and the pursuit of happiness–or eating khash for breakfast. Double "hmmmm." So a system of government–that was created to defend the rights of its citizens–abused its powers and tortured the people of Artsakh–eventually leading to wholesale murder. The Armenia’s of Artsakh peacefully voted to dissolve the Stalinist-imposed borders in a referendum which passed overwhelmingly.
In other words–when in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth–the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them–a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
Sound familiar? That’s because it’s from the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!
But I guess revolution–wars of independence are all pass in the National Geographic map age right? I mean–who’s ever heard of countries splitting apart and creating new ones out of nothing. What’s that you say? Yugoslavia’s not around anymore? It’s split into HOW many countries? Hmmm?(scratching my head).
I guess I don’t have the education and superior intellect of Ms. Jones to figure all of this out. Maybe our Government sold the rights to the Declaration of Independence to Microsoft–or Enron–and now any people that want to assert their own rights to self determination have to purchase the use of these rights. I guess that would be the only explanation as to why the Armenian leaders of Artsakh are "criminal secessionists." I can hear the baritone off screen voice of the announcer now. "People of Iraq. This liberation was brought to you by General Electric–"We bring good things to life"–AND the people at Lockheed–"We bomb things back into the stone age."
Now here’s some news for you Ms. Jones and all your Ivy League–prep school–wannabe pundits and strategists. You cannot take a person’s right to life–liberty and the pursuit of happiness away. Remember that the founding fathers of this great nation were also considered "criminal secessionists" by a certain crown wearing–royal pain in the you-know-what named George. But gosh darn it–we took up arms at Bunker Hill–Lexington and Concord–Valley Forge and everywhere else we had–in order to ensure that our God-given rights were preserved. So just remember this–the next time you point a finger at anyone–you have three fingers pointing back at you!
God bless the Criminal Secessionists of United States of America and God bless anyone who stands for freedom and liberty!
You go Artsakh!
(Cue patriotic music????..now!)
Skeptik Sininkian is a Yankee Doodle do or die; he’s a real live nephew of his uncle Samvel–born on the fourth of July. He can be reached at [email protected] aol.com–or visit his outdated blog at www.sinikian.blogspot.com.