BY SKEPTIK SINIKIAN
”You can put this one in the refrigerator. The door’s closed–the light’s out–the eggs are cooling–the butter’s getting hard–and the Jell-O is jiggling.” This was how the late Los Angeles Lakers’ basketball announcer Chick Hearn used to signal that a game was over and the losing team had about as much chance of mounting a comeback as Ralph Nader has of winning the Presidency. Super Tuesday is over. Thank God. Maybe now we will be spared the ridiculous political commentaries and premature speculations of what a Kucinich Cabinet would look like.
Here’s the Sinikian Synopsis (there’s a copyright pending on that name) of Super Tuesday. Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts locked in on the Democratic endorsement after winning 9 of the 10 primaries. Meanwhile–Senator John Edwards of North Carolina realized that nice guys do finish last. Vermont Governor Howard Dean was finally able to pull off a win–in his own state–and the Reverend Al Sharpton can now turn his attention to more important matters like the lack of African American characters in the Oscar sweeping movie–The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.
My favorite photo is from the front page of the Sacramento Bee–the day after the election–showing Arnold Schwarzenegger surrounded by more Democrats than flies on a piece of…well you know the rest. The great French playwright Moliere once wrote "Hypocrisy is a fashionable vice–and all fashionable vices pass for virtues." I wish more politicians read Moliere–but if they did–then they wouldn’t have time to lie to voters. Let’s face it–being a full-time hypocrite is hard work. I suffer from short term memory loss. I really do. You can introduce me to a room full of people where everyone is named Raffi–and I’d still have to ask people what their name is over–and over–and over again (this has actually happened before). But despite my short term memory loss–I recall that these are the very same politicians who just a few months ago–were ready to send Governor AH-nold to the state penitentiary for "allegedly" fondling women? Remember what Moliere said about hypocrisy. Nothing has changed much since the days when Moliere wrote about politicians and today–except when the French finally got fed up with their elected officials–they decided to decapitate them in public with an overgrown Veg-o-matic. The French can be so melodramatic sometimes.
"Enough with the sarcasm Skeptik. What about Armenian issues?" you ask. I was getting to that. You can be so "anhamper" (impatient) sometimes. There’s a lot to consider in the upcoming general elections. For starters–there’s the Genocide Resolution in Congress which the Republican leadership continues to ignore. Between President Bush and Kerry–the latter has a better than average record on Armenian issues. But so did Al Gore before he was Clintonized. Also–Kerry has yet to issue an official public statement on the Armenian Genocide–and promise to tighten the noose around the Republic of Turkey. Kerry will need every Armenian vote he can get to win California. After all–California is where most of the Armenia’s in the US live and constitute a relatively important segment of the voting population (if they can manage to put down the blot cards–get off their behinds and actually vote)! And if the recent photos of Governor Schwarzenegger with "tavajan" (traitor) Democratic leaders in Sacramento are any sign of things to come–winning California won’t be as easy as Kerry thinks.
Let me give you an example to better illustrate how disturbing the Democrats flocking to Schwarzenegger is. Picture an Armenian organization publicly parading around with Turkish officials claiming to be working in the name of cooperation and reconciliation–without regard to the beliefs and convictions of the majority of Armenia’s. I know what you’re thinking. The Armenian Assembly did do this. But I said an ARMENIAN ORGANIZATION–not a fraudulent front for wealthy snobs based in Washington–DC. Hypocrisy is indeed a fashionable vice. Let’s brace ourselves for the November 2nd fashion show.
In the meantime–check out www.gogortiloz.com. If it doesn’t make you laugh–you’re dead inside.
Skeptik Sinikian is a pale lotus blossom–floating in a serene pond–all alone in this sad world. His hobbies include writing Haikus and looking up the word Armenian in the indexes of random books at Borders bookstore. He can be reached at email@example.com